Got Her Pregant Again Husband Dont Know
** How to Be a Dad in the 21st Century**
As you maybe heard from your parents, sometimes when a man loves a woman very, very much, he puts his joystick inside her, they hug real close, and voilà! Nine months later, a baby is born! What they maybe didn't mention is that sometimes, when a man only likes a woman a lot a lot, but the man and woman are focused on their careers or, you know, making rent on their studio apartment, he still carelessly spills his magic baby-making potion inside her inner-thigh vortex and voilà! An immediate and swift panic attack is born. And also, sometimes, when a man is intoxicated and knows a woman hardly at all, but don't worry, he'll pull out…
It's important to remember that what happens next happens to the female party. Here's a teensy bundle-of-fetus-cells look inside her mind right now: Holy shit. There's a thing inside me. How do I tell my parents? How in hell is it gonna exit my vagina? There goes my promotion. So The Talk—whether it's "We're having a baby!" or "I'm having a procedure!"—requires more tact, respect, and understanding than you've probably ever had to summon. And yes, of course, you're going to have a whole feelings clafouti, too—your life, relationships, finances, are all at stake as well. And trust us, she wants to hear all about that…eventually. But that conversation—sorry, fellas— will have to wait. This conversation happens now. So here's how to be a stand-up guy no matter how sticky the situation is—because remember, your, ahem, sticky is half the reason you're here.
Situation: You had a fling. Mistakes were made. And she doesn't know what to do.
The moment you learn you might be fathering a child with someone whose last name you're not quite sure how to spell, panicked my-young-life-is-over thoughts will likely invade your brain. Keep them there. Ask her how she's doing and what she's thinking. Call your brother, best friend, anyone besides the bun-in-the-oven party, and vent to him.
One female friend of mine who had The Talk with a guy she'd been seeing for only two months remembers, "He immediately put his head in his hands and started moaning 'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit' for maybe five minutes. Of course, I panicked and started crying."
Do the opposite of that. And whatever you do, don't pile the blame on her. ("Waaaah, I thought you were on the pill!") For now, put your hand somewhere comforting—hold her hand, her shoulder; no, not her boob, sorry. Don't pressure her with a cross-examination: "What are YOU going to do?" Most important: Just let her talk. A lot of dudes try to solve the mistake. Don't rehash the night of conception like a carnal Encyclopedia Brown. Make a plan to talk again tomorrow or maybe the next day. Use the time to weigh what both of you are thinking, and come up with a plan.
Situation: You had a fling. Mistakes were made. And now she's getting a shmashmortion.
You can visit Planned Parenthood—or if you live in Kansas, Google "abortion help" when your boss isn't looking—for helpful pamphlets, though unfortunately they're missing one called The Girl You Met at That Party Six Weeks Ago Just Texted That She Might Be Carrying Your Baby. Since your thoughts are racing to the tune of a baby's cries right now, here are simple, like one-word simple, rules to follow.
Listen. If she wants an abortion, she will bring it up. Don't coax her. You risk coming across as a real sleaze. Alternatively, don't preach against it—I don't care if you're a descendant of Joseph Smith himself.
Pay. Offer to help pay. Or pay entirely. (It's $300 to $950.) It's a nice gesture, since you're not the one who will sport a giant maxi pad for a month. (Fun fact! Women can spot for weeks after an abortion.)
Go (if she wants you to). Chances are if you don't know each other very well, she won't want you there, but you should at least ask. And offer transportation.
Call. A day or two later. As my friend described her abortion, "It's like eight minutes of the worst cramps of your life." It's only polite to check in.
Situation: You had a fling. Mistakes were made. She wants to keep the baby and, well, you don't.
This blows hard. For everyone involved. And prompts your old-timey dad to be like, "Be a MAN, son!" Here's the thing—it's her decision. Reminder: Do not, under any circumstances, put undue pressure on her to get an abortion. The most important thing right now is to get on board with this truth: You're going to have a baby. It will drastically change your life. Hers, too.
Situation: You wake up to discover you're two months pregnant.
You're just bloated from last night's pizza. Sigh contentedly, knowing you will never have to worry about a late period, and treat yourself to a mimosa!
Situation: You're in a happy relationship. But not exactly ready for a child.
A couple of years ago, a college friend of mine—an aficionado of the pullout method—came home to discover his long-term girlfriend waiting on the couch to talk to him. "I didn't even have my jacket fully off when she announced, 'We're pregnant,' " he remembers.
It's not that he didn't want to have children with her. He did. After traveling more, drinking more, and maybe taking mushrooms at Dollywood—all the things that fall firmly into the Do Before Procreating category. "It took me a long, long time to come to grips with what my life would be," he says. "That's all I could think about during that first conversation."
Which ended up being not so great for their relationship. "It took months to get on the same wavelength," he told me. This might be the hardest situation of them all—you guys know each other, not just in the biblical sense. She can tell when you're freaking out. (Your left eyebrow starts to twitch.) And that's exactly why it's so important to communicate. It might even be worth seeing a therapist together so you can each express what you're feeling without hurting the other. My friend's biggest regret? "I was mad at the world for three months," he says. "And she could tell. Which made her feel alone."
Situation: You're in a happy relationship. And you want a baby.
Congratulations, you fertile demon, you! There are still some questions you shouldn't ask your partner: If we have sex, could I impregnate the fetus, triggering an infinite pregnancy loop? A doula is a type of Arabian biscuit, yes? These are all great things to bring up with your ob-gyn.
Siobhan Rosen is the pseudonym this author uses so men will still do the baby-making act with her.
Source: https://www.gq.com/story/what-to-expect-baby
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